Something to wonder about....
1) Why doesn't glue stick to the inside of the bottle?
2) If Barbie is so popular, why do you have to buy her friends?
3) On signs that say SLOW CHILDREN why is there a picture of a child running?
Famous Sayings....
A teacher gave her fourth-grade students the beginning of a list of famous sayings and asked them to provide original endings for each one. Here are some examples of what they submitted: The grass is always greener when you leave the sprinkler on. A rolling stone plays the guitar. The grass is always greener when you remember to water it. A bird in the hand is a real mess. No news is no newspaper. It's better to light one candle than to waste electricity. It's always darkest just before I open my eyes. You have nothing to fear but homework. If you can't stand the heat, don't start the fireplace. If you can't stand the heat, go swimming. Never put off 'til tomorrow what you should have done yesterday. A penny saved is nothing in the real world. The squeaking wheel gets annoying. We have nothing to fear but our principal. To err is human. To eat a muskrat is not. I think, therefore I get a headache. Better to light a candle than to light an explosive. It's always darkest before 9:30 p.m. Early to bed and early to rise is first in the bathroom. A journey of a thousand miles begins with a blister. There is nothing new under the bed. The grass is always greener when you put manure on it. Don't count your chickens -- it takes too long.
Chicken Little
First grade...true story.
One day the first grade teacher was reading the story of Chicken Little to her class. She came to the part of the story where Chicken Little tried to warn the farmer. She read, ".... and so Chicken Little went up to the farmer and said, "The sky is falling, the sky
is falling!"
The teacher paused then asked the class, "And what do you think that farmer said?"
One little girl raised her hand and said, "I think he said: 'Holy Cow! A talking chicken!'"
The teacher was unable to teach for the next 5 minutes...
A 5 year old's homework....
It was the first day of kindergarten and little Bobby wanted to make a good impression. The teacher gave them all homework to go home and get 3 words from their families. So Bobby rushes home anxiously. He runs in the house to find his mom laying on the sofa, tired from a hard day's work. "Mom, mom, mom!" He exclaims. "My teacher sent me home telling me to get 3 words from my family and i need a word from you!" And of course he's talking really fast and she can't understand half of what he says. Well, she's too tired to care anyway, and dismisses him saying, "Shut-up." "That's great." He says, and he writes that down. So then he goes into his older brothers room, who's about 7, and exclaimes the same thing to him. Well, his older brother doesn't hear him because he's running around his room in his underwear singing "Dah dah dah dah dah dah, Batman!" along with the t.v. "Oh, that's a good one!" Bobby exclaims, writing that down. He then goes into his older sister's room, again telling her the same thing. Well, she doesn't hear him because her boyfriend's over and they're getting ready to go on a date. He asks her if she's ready and she says, "Let's go, babe." So Bobby also writes this down. The next day at school, Bobby is called up to the front of the class to share the words he got from his family. He's all proud and can't wait to begin. So the teacher tells him to start. "Shut-up!" He says. This startles the teacher. "Excuse me, young man, who do you think you are?" She asks angrily. "Dah dah dah dah dah dah, Batman!" He sings. Now the teacher is really flustered and the whole class is cracking up. "That's it, mister, you're going to the principle's office!" The teacher tells him. "Let's go, babe." He responds.
Tounge Twisters....
Try to say "Unique New York" six times real fast. Some tongue twister limericks: A tutor who tooted the flute Tried to tutor two tooters to toot. Said the two to the tutor, "Is it harder to toot or To tutor two tooter to toot?" A canner exceedingly canny One morning remarked to his granny "A canner can can Anything that he can But a canner can't can a can, can he?" A flea and a fly in flue Were imprisoned so what could they do? Said the flea, "Let us fly." "Let us flee," said the fly. So they flew through a flaw in the flue. Now try these (and keep them clean!!): I slit a sheet, a sheet I slit. Upon a slitted sheet I sit. I am not a pheasant plucker, I'm a pheasant plucker's son. I'm only plucking pheasants 'til the pheasant plucking's done. When I was in college, our warm up each day was to sing each of the following phrases, progressing up and down the scale. We began with: #1. Lemon liniment We then progressed to: #2. Aluminum lemon liniment. And ended with: #3. Amalgamated aluminum lemon liniment By the time we were done we could sing anything!!! And now my all time favorite (that took me forever to learn)! Betty Botter bought some butter, but she said, "This butter's bitter." If I put this bitter butter in my batter, it'll make my batter bitter. So Betty Botter bought some better butter, and she put it in her bitter batter and it made her bitter batter better. So, 'tis better Betty Botter bought her better butter.
20 oxymorons
20. Government Organization
19. Alone Together
18. Personal Computer
17. Silent Scream
16. Living Dead
15. Same Difference
14. Taped Live
13. Plastic Glasses
12. Tight Slacks
11. Peace Force
10. Pretty Ugly
9. Head Butt
8. Working Vacation
7. Tax Return
6. Virtual Reality
5. Dodge Ram
4. Work Party
3. Jumbo Shrimp
2. Healthy Tan
1. Microsoft Works